The Wrong Guy

Falling in love can be like a confused person picking his harasser out of a police line-up. You may think you know, but you have no idea. You may even carefully make your choice but there is a great chance that you may choose The Wrong Guy.

Eventually there comes a time where we all will choose The Wrong Guy. Who and what you thought was right becomes so WRONG. Like "WTF did I get myself into" wrong. Sadly, we will all experience the pain that comes along with making the wrong choice in a mate. The person you thought you knew turns out to be completely opposite of what you thought. The person you trusted the most will do some things that will make you never want to trust another person again. The one you love will cheat on you, lie to you, steal from you, abuse you (what happened to you goes here). All of which, will cause you a pain that there is no quick escape from.

I have had my share of heartache, but each time I am a bit more wise than the time before. Each time I have gained a valuable knowledge that has equipped me for future experiences. I once dated someone who I genuinely thought was my friend and I thought he was the "right" guy. I soon found out just how wrong I was when he began treating me like crap. For the life of me, I just didn't understand how this "friend" could treat me so callously. It took a few months, but eventually I had to let that one go and that was one of the most rewarding experiences (of that year lol). Soon after him, I met someone who was amazing, or so I thought, but now he's turning out to be Mr. Wrong too! Damn. But at the end of the day, knowledge is power and the only way to know is to feel it for yourself. The Wrong Guy can be the best teacher!

I don't believe in "The One," I think that's some fairytale BS, but I do believe that not every guy will treat you the same as The Wrong Guy. I think just as much as there are jerks there are some great guys, and not every jerk will remain one. In the midst of getting your heart broken by The Wrong Guy, let him be your teacher. One day you will get over the pain and the experience will be priceless, and you'll be one wrong guy away from the The Right Guy!!! Trust.

The Signs

Throughout any relationship there are tell-tale signs of the future of said relationship. In most cases, these signs are bad! You know they're bad too, but what do you do? Usually it's one of two things: Ignore or Excuse. SMH. Us poor silly girls (guys too)! Why do we disregard blatant warnings in our relationships? When driving our minds have the ability to decipher signs on the road to keep us out of danger, but our hearts can't seem to do the same.

I was once told "I like you, but I think you like me more than I like you." So what did I do? I excused it. Duh! I kinda ignored it too and brushed it off like "Okay yea right," but eventually his lack of "like" became a problem for me. It was okay that he did not like me as much as I liked him, people move at their own pace. What wasn't okay is that I took that pertinent information and treated it as if it wasn't a big deal. Looking back, at the point that he revealed that information, it should have been a sign for me to take our relationship to friend zone and not try to make it work as something more. So much heartache can be avoided if you just listen!!!

The other night I had an interesting conversation with a male friend regarding his ex-girlfriend. He said he knew all along that it probably wasn't going to work out. He saw the red flags of her wild and irrational behavior, her lack of maturity, yet he stayed and eventually those same issues broke them up. Been there before?

Letting go is hard to do, especially when you like someone, but it's honestly just easier to obey the signs. For women, it is more difficult for us not to end up the casualty of a relationship gone sour, so for protection we're blessed with a very powerful tool: Intuition...USE IT! When you feel something is not right, it probably isn't. When someone shows you who they are, believe them. My personal issue is determining what is a real sign from a perceived sign. Sometimes we confuse "signs",  for just our own insecurity or fear, which is equally as dangerous.

I guess the point is to just nip it in the bud when you know you need to. Even if you wouldn't say it out loud or admit to your friends, there comes a time where on the inside you just know. A gut feeling they call it...go with that =)

Friendship: Demotion or Promotion?

Friendship. It's funny how this one word can mean so many different things when shared between the opposite sex. "We're friends" can be a compliment, but can also be a slap in the face. A relationship can go from two people getting to know one another to being in the "friend zone" faster than you can spell it. What happens when what was once more becomes...friends? Is friendship (esp. after "love") a promotion to explore deeper waters or a demotion to Nothing-ville?

I think the bigger issue is we don't really take the time to be friends before we are lovers, so in skipping a few steps you'd eventually trip somewhere along the way. Being just friends can be reallly hard to do, especially if when you see him you just want to rip his clothes off and......(sigh) you get the point. Being friends seems like something you shouldn't do when two people like one another. Friendship is what happens when one person isn't attracted to the other. Friendship is the default relationship!!!

But, what if over time our generation just got it all wrong? Our grandfathers courted our grandmothers, our fathers dated our mothers, and we're just f-cking eachother! Can both love and lust exist in the same space?

One of my friends told me today regarding her ex-boyfriend "When you are in love with someone you can't be their friend," but love and friendship should be synonymous right? While friendship is often abused and used as an excuse especially for a guy to avoid settling down...being real friends should be celebrated. Over time serious relationships (and non-relationships) will change: there will be newness, boredom, constant sex, or no sex at all, but if there is a real friendship there it is surviving. Would you want someone to be more-than-friends with you if they really didn't want to?  I'd rather be a default friend than a default girlfriend any day!!!

In dating, especially as a girl, it's hard not to be distracted by time. "We've been dating for a year," "We broke up 3 years ago," "We've been friends for 2 months..." SOOOO WHAT LADY!!! While time can be important, it really is not THAT important. What does time really even say besides how long you have known someone? If the timing isn't right, it just isn't right. There's no shortcut, no time-machine, no handbook...just life.

Real friendship is always always a promotion. Whether it's a promotion to a deeper relationship with the one now, or a promotion to meet someone else. The only true demotion is not seeking growth in life (and love) changes.