Another Reason Why I Love Erykah Badu

While flying from New York to L.A to help curb my serious ADD, I brought along my ipod, my Macbook, and what would turn out to be the most valuable; the June/July issue of Vibe Magazine with Erykah Badu on the cover. Reading through the article that discussed her life, career, and the controversy surrounding her “Window Seat” video, I was hit with a GEM of knowledge regarding her view on her relationships, mainly their endings. I stared at the page, my mouth a bit open, as I re-read the line over and over. It was genius. It was God-like. It was...a hard pill to swallow! When discussing her quite famous relationships (Common, Andre 3000, and now Jay Electronica) she says this:

“I love being partnered with people who want to evolve as human beings. At the point where their growth does not include me, then we break up, then we move on. I write about it.”

WTF!!! This quote is amazing to me for sooo many reasons and I hope you can see the power in it. Relationships and the people in our lives are there for a means of growth; learning lessons. While a relationship consists of two people ideally growing in the same direction, if growing at all, sometimes one person decides to make a left turn. In this she didn't say, “At the point where their growth doesn't include me...I wild' out...I curse them out...scratch up their car...throw mud on their name: NO!!! You just break up and you move on. Her release is writing (Get a hobby!).

While I did not expect Erykah Badu of all people to act like a psycho during a break up, I did think the process was more difficult for her, from songs like “Green Eyes” and my latest fave “Out My Mind...” I kinda expected her to discuss the pain or the disappointment of failed relationships, but she didn't. She didn't say “He did me wrong,” she acknowledged said ex's growth that just didn't include her, and it was okay. In the time of the “Bitter Black Woman” its refreshing to see a more Buddhist-like approach of non-attachment regarding relationships (I've been studying Buddhist philosophy for about 2 years. Interesting stuff.) But anyway...

There is a power in thinking that way. Yes, it is okay to feel hurt or disappointed in an outcome being something other than what you may have desired, but at the end of the day, it's not about you. If someone doesn't want to be in a relationship with you (or stay in one), that is just the direction they want for their life. It's easy to feel cheated or angry at someone for not thinking you are the greatest thing that ever happened to them, but maybe, there's a chance that you aren't! And what you saw in them that makes you angry for them leaving, can be greater in another person.

The desire for constant evolution in love and in life is what gets me through most of my minor setbacks. I just want to be a better friend, a better lover, and all-in-all a better person. This article really solidified what this dating thing is all about, or should be all about: Growth.

500 Days of Bummer!!!

Have you ever seen the movie "500 Days of Summer?" Awesome right?! It was such a good story and relatable, but throughout the movie I found myself picking sides of Team Tom or Team (that bitch) Summer. Needless to say who's side I was on. If you haven't seen it, the premise is a boy falls in love with a girl, who in my opinion, kinda lead him on. She's one of those "I don't believe in love and relationships blah blah blah"...but by the end of the movie she was engaged to some stranger and invited my poor Tom to the frickin engagement party unbeknowest to him! Little bitch!!!  Ughhh. I'm sorry I like HATED Summer. Maybe because I'm a bit bitter over being the Tom in a relationship, where I was the one left hanging on (but my "Summer" would disagree regarding our roles). Ironically, someone told me that I reminded them of Summer! I guess it's all about perception huh? Anyway, Tom spent most of the 500 days trying to get over his relationship with Summer than he actually spent IN the relationship! Bummer!

So lately the theme of my dating life and seemingly all of my close friends is "Getting Over It." Relationships (and non-relationships) end. Get over it! Sometimes you can be the Tom in the relationship: The person who misses the other, while they are out getting engaged and moving on with their lives. Or you can be the Summer, the person who found something that they never knew they wanted and ended up hurting someone in the process. Honestly, I've spent time being both Tom and Summer and neither side is really cool. I don't want to break the heart, but I also don't want to get mine broken. I have ended things with guys that were really into me, and been rejected by guys that I was really into (seems impossible that someone would reject me right? Lol). Point is, it's life Tom! I mean, how happy would have Tom been if Summer just went along with it, when really she didn't want to be there? Not very happy! Eventually, there would be another roadblock.

In all honesty, MOST relationships, are just not meant to be. Summer won't last always. Seasons change. Get over it!