Season Finale: How To Know When It's Time

There comes a time when the show must end and you must begin a new season with a new supporting actor. Sometimes it's difficult to know just when that time is, especially once feelings are involved, so here's my top ten list of when I start to get the point.

1. He Brody's You!
Being Brody'd is basically getting played. The last episode of The Hills, Brody called Kristin his "little sister"...NOT COOL. When you have a strong feeling that you're being Brody'd, it pretty much goes downhill from there.

2. He says "I like you, but not as much as you like me"
Ding Ding Ding...RUN AWAAAAAAY

3. He refers to you or introduces you as a "homie" or "homegirl"...yea girl, you're just a friend or you're a secret

4. Majority of your conversation about him is through venting to your girlfriends

5. You're not happy

6. He ignores your calls or messages for days or weeks at a time...(there's not that much "busy" in the world. When he cares about you, taking a second out of his day for you is effortless)

7. Things never seem to grow

8. The situation often leaves you in tears (and for you non-emo girls, you're always mad at him, which btw anger IS an emotion, don't judge us "crybabies")

9. You're friends give you that "What the hell is wrong with you" face, or if they're good friends, they actually say it :)

10. The MOST important: You know without a shadow of a doubt, you deserve better!

*Disclaimer: Some season finales are an hour and some may take 2 hours. Endings are difficult. Don't beat yourself up if your last episode seems too full of commercial breaks, eventually you'll go off-air and a new season begins ;)

The Waiting Game?

Lately I’ve been hearing a lot of people getting together, married, or relationships improving. Some of these people have been dating and/or having relations (shout out to Bill) long-term, but in between the start date and the current, there has been a lot of B.S. I love hearing and seeing someone happy, however what must a girl go through with her man to get there?! Why are girls going through so much to be in a normal, healthy, loving relationship with someone; shouldn’t that just be the default, instead of the goal? Is The Dating Game really The Waiting Game???

A guy friend told me one of our friends was engaged to his girl, whom he has cheated on a gazillion times, in which my friend said “she earned that ring.” WHAT!? So I can’t get the ring because I’m awesome and you love me? You have to cheat first, and make me cry, and break my heart a few times THEN give me what I deserve? Ummm *confused BBM face*. Why do I get the wedding AFTER you have kids with someone else? Why do I get your love AFTER you’ve given all of your lust away? Why do we have to wait for you?

I don’t want to be one of those 35-year old single black women complaining about the dating pool, but I also don’t want to be a in relationship or married to someone who has disappointed me a billion times. No matter how much you love the man, you’re settling for him! It’s like saying “I love you sooo much more than I do myself that I’ll take whatever you give me until it’s what I want.” Why? You really don’t think you can be with someone else? Whatever happened to "There's plenty of fish in the sea”!?

I get two people growing together, I get a man having his fears and I get putting up with someone because I’m sure whoever I marry would have put up with some of my antics along the way. I also get sticking it out to some degree; however some things are just not worth sticking through. Some things are just not cool enough to put up with. At some point, you have to have a certain level of respect for yourself that wouldn’t even allow you to be with someone after they’ve betrayed you/cheated on you/constantly lied to you/disregarded you/abused you/whatever he did that made you feel like shit.

Happiness is not something you should have to wait for. Happiness is not a privilege or a goal. Even if at the end of all the shitty days the sun does come out; how worth it was the journey?

When The Cat's Away...

I had a really funny conversation with a friend the other day. Her boyfriend was going out of town for the weekend and she was “upset” at him for leaving because she wasn’t sure she could be faithful to him while he was away. For the weekend! Lol. While part of her was joking, another part of her was dead serious. I believe jokes are 95% truth and 5% “joke”; that’s what makes them funny because it comes from a real place. Half of the time, jokes are just the diversion of saying what you really want to say with less fear of the reaction. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she really felt “damn, I want to do something that may break the code of my relationship” and honestly people do it all of the time. When the cat is away, the mice will play! I wonder what it is that makes people go crazy: a taste of freedom; the breaking up of the relationship monotony. Could it be that these people just really don’t want to be in their relationship that much that when they get away they feel like they’re gasping for air?


I haven’t been in a “relationship” in a long time, and at the time, I was NOT ready for it, so my judgment could be off. I just look at things like A or B. If you realllly want something, you wouldn’t do anything to ruin it right? Like I can see how loving someone isn’t enough to keep you from cheating. Not because love isn’t real or anything, but because it's (well whatever) I don’t really know what “love” is in written form. However, if you WANT the person that you are with, there are just things you would not do for the simple fact that you have noooo desire to do it. For example, there were some not-so-faithful things I’ve done to boyfriends, that I had no desire to do to other boyfriends or even with my non-relationship boos. Wanting them was enough to have blinders on from the rest of the world because all I saw was them and I didn’t want anyone else.

So if you’re in this relationship that you kinda don’t want to be in (all the way), you do realize that it’ll only get worse? If you have to “get used” to someone or feel like “eventually “…you’re going to do a lot of messing up along the way that could just completely ruin the whole relationship. I had to realize that sometimes even if you want something a little bit, A LITTLE IS NOT ENOUGH! Honestly, it’s just not enough. If you’re gonna to be with someone, be with them all the way, both feet in.

Btw: This also goes for the girls in the gray area (see “All Gray Everything” post), sometimes you’re gray for a reason. Not being ready, you or him, just never really ends well....but don’t trust me, trust the divorce rate!