Ok, so either you're on Team "Things Happen On Their Own" or Team "You Have To Make Things Happen." I think I'm definitely leaning toward the latter and the more I hear the other side's belief system, the more annoyed I get with said assholes.
In life you are taught to go after what you want right? If you want a new job, you have to apply. If you want to do well on a test, you have to study. If you want to be a great musician, you have to practice. I don't think I'm alone in this thinking. For every goal, there is some amount of effort put in to attain it. BUTTTTTT soooooome people just completely disregard this when it comes to relationships. I call these people the excuse-users with the excuse being "if it's meant to be..."
Don't get me wrong, I understand timing, but most things in life take more than timing. For all things meant to be, some work had to be done to give birth to whatever the end result is. All I'm saying is, if someone values something and really wants it, they don't mind putting in the work to get it.
Agree?
Hi, I stumbled upon your website. I in what you call the "in between".
ReplyDeleteI am hoping you can help me out... I know what you mean of how it gets frustrating hearing the "if its meant to be" and "you only get out of it what you put into it" crap.. and I just need an outside opinion.
My boyfriend and I have a major age difference, and we are long distance. We met while training in the army during my "men are good for nothing phase" and I happened to stumble on let's call him "Ryan". Ryan is quality grade A good guy shit. I didnt see him at first, but we started talking and I had never been into someone so much. I fell hard in love, and it was reciprocated.
In long distance, the key issue is communication. Sometimes he is just more even tempered mainly because he is 11 years older, and understands. I mean, if I have an issue, he tries. I know its hard, especially when we only see each other once every two months... yeah its been hard.. sometimes I get so frustrated. He has a hard time committing to the idea of me being part of his future and I commend him for his honesty of trying to overcome this.. because I know that he loves me... but he deals with the intimacy vs. isolation part of development.. So here is the issue.. I have everything I need here for my life. Plus, this weekend I find out if I deploy for Afghanistan.. which is usually a death sentence on relationships (even married). He has suggested moving here... and I guess its been tossed both ways but its usually me suggesting living there. I am not perfect.. a couple years ago I was in an abusive relationship.. so the idea with living with a guy again... moving there to be with him scares me. He is gentle and good hearted...but what if it fails and I'm stuck out there. I've even thought perhaps i would move to a nearby city that has a awsome ROTC and nursing program to finish at... but I'm just so beat. I'm exhausted. We knew what we were getting into.. but I feel so alone. I have never cheated on him, and trust him... but I went to visit him over thanksgiving and halfway through he got very cold. His life there is dead end! He is the most intelligent man, and away from that place he knows his potential! I like his friends, but they bring him way way down! I dont know how to get through to him.. maybe break up with him (ive done it so many times its losing its severity) he is just not waking up. I am losing my connection with him because of this frustration. Please help. I need some insight.