Getting Over The Hur(t)le

Someone once told me you're never in love with someone, you're only in love with the way they make you feel (and someone else can make you feel the same way.) Feelings. Blah. Its 2am and I'm up writing to Coltrane "A Sentimental Mood" and I have super mixed feelings. Feelings of love and hate for one person. Crush kinda feelings for another. Afraid of someone else and on-the-fence about yet another someone else.

Seemingly, I have a lot going on. Which I find happens as I'm attempting to get over someone else. The replacement method. Which for the record, is totally not working. It used to. I used to be able to effectively replace people, but now the people I date mean more to me. They are more special; less replaceable and when their presence leaves me: harder to get over. Am I in love with the feelings or the person? Feelings > Person...(I haven't figured out yet.)

Either way, this process is quite frustrating and unintentionally leaves me second guessing myself, when in reality I know who I am. I know I am a likable and lovable person. All things that I remind others of when they're enduring these same "love pains" so why do we forget when its our turn? I guess its not necessarily the person or the feelings, but the death of something that was created between two people. Death and grieving is synonymous, so the experience is necessary.

So, I give up on my new shiny toy quest. People who really mean(t) something to you can't be replaced. You may meet someone similar, someone worse, or someone better, but they are who they are. In the beginning, he didn't mean what he means to you now, and like seasons change...everything else does.

My new tactic is to enjoy the ride out just as I enjoyed the ride in. In the meanwhile, learning you can't force getting over it.