It's exciting to see the person you've been thinking about all day, flash before your blackberry screen, or pop up during a quick Facebook break. To like and to be liked gives such an energetic and "possibilities-are-endless" feeling, that, admittingly, I think I may like too much. I haven't been single single since about the 6th grade.
Anyway. Falling in like, turns to many things, sometimes very beautiful things such as love, friendship, and companionship. Then...there are the ugly things, the ugliest of them all being...COMPLICATED. Ughhhh.
Complicated. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. You just want to get it right, and sometimes you do, then other times it's so messy. Breaking up to make up. Together but not. I love you, but wouldn't admit it because I'm not sure you feel the same. Things were so easy those months ago! What happened to the smooth, easy, grade-school skipping journey we were on? When did jokes become real questions? Why are you mad again? Who is she???
I have been in two complicated relationships (one real, one fake) in my life. The first was an ex, who I "cheated" on. He broke up with me, and was too angry to get back together, but not so angry to play back and forth with me a year (or more) after our breakup. I say I "cheated" because it wasn't real cheating, I just socially-cheated. I kinda wanted to be in a relationship, but I still wanted to hang out with other guys, even if they were exes. I wasn't doing anything "wrong" in my eyes, just maintaining previous friendships. The boyfriend obviously had a different P.O.V.
Then, there was (or is), the Pen Pal. I'll say very little about this situation other than it is #2 and one of the best learning experiences ever! If he and I shall never speak again in life, I'd at least take with me a higher Scrabble IQ, vauge New York slang, and motivation to not participate in such complication a third time.
The messy, sticky strings of complication are a barrier to both relationship normalcy and freedom. It's hard to get to either side. You're just stuck in like/love/relationship purgatory. You know things will never work out between you (despite being hopeful). The situation has become a countdown to the complete and real ending. Somehow, you just got stuck on repeat in the "10...9...8" area. But strength be unto the weary...there is hope! (Say "yay!!!")
As natural as it was getting in, the exit is so superbly natural! However, my child, the grand exit may take a while...but it does come.
You wake-up to start your normal routine. You go to brush your teeth. You flat iron your hair. You grab your keys, run to catch your train, get to work and realize, he didn't cross your mind for 2 hours. Your next realization comes and it's been weeks since you last talked to him. Then one day, like magic, you'll forget him!!! Not forget in the real sense of the word, unless you're suddenly plauged with amnesia, in which case, lucky you! I'm speaking more of the kinda forget you have for the boy who you only saw and liked when you visited your cousins in the suburbs (or city). What's his name again?!
Soon you will forget...or in my case, replace him with someone new!
Sidenote: I really need to work on this single single thing! *Shrugs*
No comments:
Post a Comment